This post will be the most honest, and probably the hardest thing I will ever right in my life. This is the honest to GOD truth about me, and what I am up against here in LA LA Land (As I Call it)! First of all, a ton of folks told me when I first started my career, "DO NOT move to New York City". "You will never make it, on Broadway". "Too many people in that industry". My Aunt Brenda said "Your mother needs your help, you are the man of the house, maybe you should stop performing". I remember being so hurt, and upset. Now as I look back, I chuckle, I love my aunt, but oh how wrong she was, and it is funny to hear her brag about her Broadway nephew. I didn't listen then, and I am not listening now. I am following my heart, and my passion. Everything about my move to LA statistically speaking says it won't work out. Everything in my core, gut, sole, says I am going to thrive in this town, and my dreams will happen.
My manager brought me into his office, to show me the breakdowns, and what he gets from week to week. Did you know that in the actors breakdowns that come out weekly, that most the job descriptions is Caucasian male? I scrolled through about 80 posts in the breakdowns for actors. I found a total of 10 jobs for an African American Male, and even less for women, and less for Asian or Hispanic people. WOW! Reality check right there. Contrary to most peoples beliefs, Many friends have said to me, "It is easier when you are ethnic"! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! We might have less competition, but we still in the year 2013 have way less work. My manager proved this fact to me. Which means, I might be waiting a long time for my dream gig to come true.....
Then there is the fact that I not only look African American, that I am a mixed male. This is just like New York City, some projects I wasn't black enough to be in... (for example Hairspray).. Some times this worked in my favor. I played a Puerto Rican, and even making my Broadway debut playing Indian in "Bombay Dreams". Most times I was rejected because not Latin enough, not black enough, not mixed enough. This problem is world wide though, every actor goes through this, but I feel it is heightened in my case. It would depend on the project, trying to find out where I fit in, because of the complexion of my skin. Interesting huh? In film it is even worse, cause the camera is in your face, and you have to read that race asap. BUT I AM A BLACK BOY! I PROMISE! :-)
My age continues to come up in this town, and the fact that I am not a very young man. Yes, this sets me back even more. To move to LA at my age is unheard of, this town is so youth oriented. I will be competing against people who have been in this town for years, who already have extensive resumes, because of that fact. "But I look really young", so that is great, people say to me. However, I am not here in this town to lie about who I am, and my age. Everyone tells me not to tell my age, including my manager, but I want to tell the truth. Hey, competing against kids for a kids role is not what I am interested in. I want to play mature folks, cause that is what I am, and who I am. No matter what I do, my maturity will shine through my work. So why lie??? I don't know.. I go back in forth from time to time. It is tough. I just want to work, and do projects where I can unleash all this talent I have trapped inside me, ready to burst out! Is this too much to ask for?
My manager said to me "I don't want you playing those soft roles". "Huh" I said, "soft roles meaning what"? Confused by this comment, and listening to a person who represents me beat around the bush. This is a big thing I am finding in LA. Playing or Being Gay is still a little forbidden. When if you look at Television, the gays and gay characters, are taking over the small and big screen. I don't mind playing a "soft role" or a gay role (which is what I'm assuming he meant) . I don't mind at all... Yes I don't want to play a drag queen or big flamboyant person, because I don't want to be doomed to being typed cast like that the rest of my life. What is wrong with playing gay? There are all different types of gay. I admit I would prefer to play straight, or a neutral role, because that is all I played all my life. I love being an actor, because I get to use myself, every side of myself, drawing from me, and who I am, and playing it as best as I can. Becoming someone else, but always using my many crazy selves as the outline . If that makes any sense? I have to get in where I fit in, and if playing "soft" roles get me in the door, bring it on!!!!
At the end of the day, I have faith in GOD, and I know that I am supposed to be here right now typing this blog entry to the world. I am supposed to be honest, and believe in myself. I know what my heart wants more then anything in the world. I trust in my faith, and my spirit. I trained and worked so hard for this, and I deserve a shot just like anyone else. Am I Crazy? Yes, you have to be crazy to pack up your bags and do what I am doing. I AM HERE PEOPLE, and I Am Not Ready To Give Up Just Yet!
Let's try something new in Hollywood, let's tell the truth, therefore I will end this entry with a declaration. I, J.R. Whittington, legally known as James Ricardo Whittington, I am a 37 year old, African American, Homosexual, Christian who moved to LA! Up Against All Odds!
