I'm Black... I Mean I'm Back! :-)

There is so much to catch you up on my blogger friends, as I set out and journey through life.  As I get older my priorities have shifted and I learn everyday the importance of friends, family, and giving back to the world.  I am still in Los Angeles pounding away at a career that is almost non existent.  A dream that sometimes makes me feel defeated.  A place that makes me whole and happy seems like a far achievement.  I have come close to some things in Los Angeles.  Close to booking major commercials, major roles on film or TV, and yet I stand here empty handed.  I also have been blessed to work on some soaps, and low budget films (I do not disregard those achievements).  This blog entry is not to discourage, or make you feel sorry for me.  Trust me it is exactly the opposite.  While, living this artist life, I learned that I am good teacher, and how rewarding this is for me.  I currently teach theater /acting/scene study at two studios in Los Angeles.  I love it so much, and the success of my students is so rewarding.  I also feel closer to GOD as I struggle through this movement of being an artist.  My soul is rewarded when I teach, and I know that once I get my break I will be even more rewarded.  Guess what bloggers?  I have NOT given up on my talents--nor my career.  I am still standing here fighting, auditioning, networking, and believing in my dream.  GOD has not given me all these gifts to act and perform for me not to use them.  I know there is a purpose and a story I have to tell to the world through my art.... This war is not over, and I decided to blog to let you know that I am back and take no prisoners.  I will continue to give back as much as possible to the youth, but I will also continue to fight and believe in my dreams!  Love to you all for your continuous support.  More blogs to come....   I'm Back Boos.....

All Over The Place Blog Entry

I have some really dark days, and some times I start to think I am too old.  Questioned what am I doing wrong?  Why can't I break down these doors?  Why can't I be more black? Why can't I be more white?  If I was just cuter?  If I wouldn't eat all that junk food, and just got back in shape?  If I could act better?  If I was just a little taller?  If I could walk backwards,  do flips, swim, stand on my head, belch on cue, cry on cue,  be in New York and LA at the same time?  IF? IF? IF?  Didn't I move to LA for "NO" should of--Could Of--Would OF? All the questions that many actors have... You loose your confidence at times.

On the other hand I have days where I am overly confident, when my faith is stronger then others, when I say to myself nothing can stop me.  I just wanted to point out to my fellow bloggers that I am human.  The dream can be tough, the dream can be daunting, but the dream can also be so rewarding. Loving what I do is my light at the end of the tunnel, passion, love, and walking with GOD, listening to the universe.  All these things keep me steady, and keep me holding on to my dream.  As said before statistic state that as an African American, Gay, 37 year old,  man just moving to Los Angeles. I am not supposed to succeed.  You know what I say?  Kiss My Black Booty....

ENVY; The Tony Nominations came out and I had a ton of friends nominated for best actor, and best musical.  I moved to Los Angeles to concentrate on film and T.V.  I will be honest-- I admit my ego gets crushed when dreams of mine, happen to others.  I LOVE my friends, and I am so excited for them, but I want it too..  All in GODS timing but I am writing this not for a pity party.  I don't need to hear "your turn will come" or anything like that.  I am just writing to get my feelings out and be honest in every moment.  I want a TONY nomination, and the truth is.... I am no where close to one.  That is just the bottom line...

Behind The Scenes;  As I taught my dance class, and choreographed my first musical for the kids at the It Factor Theater. A new passion has rose up inside of me.  I love to teach and to choreograph.  I never saw this coming, it came out of left field. Then low and behold, right after my gig at the It Factor Theater,  I choreographed a Bollywood esque number for a short film.  I went into this project kicking and screaming.  I had a ball working with those talented actors.  The shoot went great and I can not wait to see the final product.  New love sneaking up behind me, and patting me on the butt, and nudging me to follow it.

AUDITIONS; OK, either I need to work harder or something needs to happen.  My audition season is slipping away, and I know the industry is slow until after the summer.  However, I haven't had a TV/Film audition in forever.  Praying on this situation, and I don't know what else to do, but attempt to be patient.  Do I have the right agent?  Do I have to switch up again?  How do I know what to do?  I will continue to walk with GOD, and ask him the tough questions.  I have so many questions myself, and maybe I am just inpatient.  Pray for me bloggers on this one.. I don't want to do anything drastic just yet...

IMDB gets on my nerves, I have been trying to post credits up on that site, and having no luck. :-( They need a knew system in getting your stuff up on that site.  I have people that are extras with stuff on there, and I actually did principal contracts and can't get it up!  UGH!

LOVE/Normal Job/Normal Life:  This part of my life is in complete tact.  I am happy in my romantic relationship, and very happy in my jobs.  TVI has been great and I love mentoring  my fellow actors.  Don't Tell Mama Los Angeles is amazing.  They have been promoting me like crazy i.e. radio show, facebook, twitter, website.  Free promotion works for me, and I love getting to sing every night.  The down fall is the hours, but it is still an awesome job!  Happiness...  I also am on tract financially although I do have some debt to pay off. Nevertheless, I am doing just swimmingly. BREWSTER-- My Dog and Baby is amazeballs as well... :-)

SURPRISE: I do have a surprise but I will not post about it yet.  The gig is official and I am very excited about it.  This job will be different for me, but an amazing opportunity at this point in my career.   Stayed tuned blog world for this announcement, as I will announce it on my fan facebook page first.. Then wait a week and write about it on here.  To follow me on Facebook here is the link;  www.facebook.com/whittingtonjr

GOD IS GOOD AND ALWAYS ON TIME, EVERY TIME I GET DISCOURAGED, OR SOMETHING DOESN'T GO RIGHT... HE IS ALWAYS THERE WITH AN EXPLANATION.  IT MIGHT BE ON HIS TIME, BUT HE ALWAYS SHOWS UP.  I AM BLESSED WITH HIS GRACE, AND MERCY.  SENDING HIS SON TO DIE FOR MY SINS, SO THAT I CAN LIVE THE BLESSED LIFE I HAVE NOW.  I CAN'T PUT INTO WORDS HOW HAPPY I AM TO HAVE A FATHER TO ALWAYS TURN TO....  HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY.  PRAISES TO GOD!

I'm Just A Broadway Baby!

All through high school and college I was obsessed with musical theater.  I listened to every single musical there was out there.  I imitated voices on cast recordings, I took dance lesson, voice lessons, diction lessons, acting lessons, and studied my little tooshie off!  I was--well--I am what you call a theater geek.  I still love and live for the theater.  I can't live without it actually, whether, I am in a production, listening to my theater mix on my iPad, or at the theater being entertained, I crave it.  I always need to be close to it's touch.  My dream was to do a national tour and broadway shows.  I reached those dreams, and have had quite a career in the theater.  The  burning question is "Are you done with theater, now that you are focused on a t.v. and film career"?  Even my agent wrote me saying "I would love to see you on Broadway again".  The honest answer to this question is I would love to see me on Broadway again too.  Broadway is my first love, and I will never let it go.  However, there are some major rules to me and my love affair with the theater.  I can't be in the chorus anymore, those chorus boy days are over.  I also don't want to be a professional understudy, just like my resume makes me out to be.  I will go home to Broadway if there is a role, a featured role, the lead calling my name.  Until then, I am not interested.  I would rather spend my time here in Los Angeles, being a starving artist, and going after my TV/Film dreams, then be in the background singing and dancing.  I don't knock chorus members, it is a great job, and when I was there I loved it.  No show is complete without a good chorus. I am just in a different place in my life. This might sound cocky to some, and it feels a little arrogant coming out of my mouth.  Who am I to not want a job that people would die for?  I ask myself that all the time.  Honestly, it is the truth!!!!  This blog is a space where I can tell the truth... right?.  I believe if I am worthy enough to understudy people on broadway and save the show, as I have done many of times.  I am worthy to play the role, and get out of my understudy trap.  That is where I am in my career.  Random Aside: I would love to do a non-musical play that is a dream that I have burning deep in my heart.  Just throwing that into the universe, so GOD can hear!   Deep down I am a broadway baby, who is in LA trying to make more dreams come true.  As an actor, whether it's film, Television or Theater I simply love my profession.  I am a person who is not chasing fame.  I DON'T DO WHAT I DO FOR FAME AND FORTUNE!  At the end of the day, I do it for love.

Big Decision!

My life was getting crazy, as I struggle a to find my "survival job" here in Los Angeles.  It has been a tough journey to figure out what one is to do, when they spend there whole life a working actor.  Then you are faced with a big bang, you are 37 years old, and you have no "real" job experience.  People look at you like you are crazy at job interviews, as I sit wondering why can't I at least be a waiter, like every other actor.  Yet in this economic time, it is a fight, and you need experience.  The working actor is a blessing and a curse for me at the same time.  This has been on my heart.  Thank GOD I have some savings in my account, and I can make it through.  Also, praising GOD that I am actually booking little t.v. things here and there, to help with the load of life...  With this in my heart, and the search being on, I sometimes slumber into a deep depression.  Where ice cream, my bed, the kisses from my dog, and singing depressing songs fill my void. However, the uplifting spirit of GOD seeps into my being, lifts me out of the bed, pounces out all my fears, and I stand up, with my heart open, happy to be me.  Happy for my life, and blessed to have done all the things I have done...  Even more blessed to get ready for what I am about to do.  Always giving praise to my lord an savior, I know I am about to get past this mountain, and my breakthrough is around the corner.

The point of my story, and the big decision I needed prayers on, (as I posted on Facebook).... Well, remember my manager at Advanced Talent Management, Marcus Fishman, and how excited I was about him?  I truly was thrilled, but I have to get honest, nothing has really happened.  Did I expect something to happen in the four months we have been together?  Not really anything major, but I didn't expect the contradictions, and excuses.  Those who know me, know that at times I can be brutally honest.  I expect folks to be brutally honest with me at all times.  Before I move forward with this paragraph, I will state, that Marcus Fishman is a very nice man, who knows a ton about the business, and I truly believe he was working hard on my behalf.  A couple things happened that made me wonder about him though, as when I first met him, he said "I have great connections with agents, and commercial agents".  Well, now that things are slow for me I think I should at least be going out for commercials to make a coin.  He said "I don't think you are a commercial actor"! "Huh"?  I mumbled, as he said the exact opposite thing to me when we first met.  I also asked him about meeting a agent, and he said "Not with your resume", "You are not ready to meet an agent".  That part I could understand to an extent, as my t.v./film credits are not as nearly as good as my theater credits.  This statement still didn't go with our initial conversation either.  Lastly, when he dropped the ball on the hit C.W. show audition, and I called him and told him "We have an audition", and he answered the phone confused, really pissed me off. Never in my 17 years in the business have I ever called an agent/manager to tell them about an audition, that they submitted me for,  they always called me! I started to re-consider Marcus, and debated on leaving him with no representation at all.  The other thing is all the little t.v. gigs I booked,  I have booked on my own from knowing someone, and being persistent in the business.  Not to mention on the non-submission for "soft" roles as he put it. I also wasn't a fan of the way he spoke to me and casting directors, like we were kids, and very entitled. I prayed, so hard about him and what to do.  Right when I was about to give up hope, an agent called me, and said "I got your reel and resume and would love to meet with you".  For those of you who don't believe in GOD, you truly need to, because I have tons of testimonies like this one.  The meeting with this agent went so great.  She got me, and understood my plight.  She has a great track record, and I did my research on her, and it just felt like a good fit.  She comes from a theater background so understands my talent, and what I am up against in the film world. The energy between us was great, but then again fear, set up inside of me.  My meeting with Marcus went great at first, what if I end up in the same situation?  What if I sign with this new agent, and she is worse then Marcus?  What if I need to give Marcus more of a chance?  What am I supposed to do?  So many emotions wrapped up inside of stomach, made anxiety aspirate. I struggled with a answer, asking friends, praying, asking GOD, asking for signs, confused, lost, back and forth, tossing and turning in my sleep!  I woke up one morning, and put my hand to my heart. I closed my eyes for a while and just listened to the pulse and the beat.  I asked GOD yet again for a sign.  I still got nothing, but as I listened to my hearts pulse, my instinct, my spirit, my gut, my soul said "Move on, and sign with this new agent".  So I did just that, but first I needed to get rid of Advanced Talent Management.  I called Marcus, and told him that we weren't working out and he asked me "why"?   I explained all the contradictions that took place in our relationship with him.  He let me out of my contract, and I left on good terms.  He said to me "you are a very nice guy, and so talented, if you need anything don't hesitate to call me".   The weird, thing is, I feel the same about him.  He never meant any malice, and he was doing his best for me.  His best just wasn't good enough.  He was scared of my sexuality, he dropped the ball, and contradicted himself a ton.  Marcus is a manager for a reason, and he has clients with much success.  He just wasn't the right fit for me, finding your fit, can be daunting at times.  When I hung up the phone, with Marcus, I cried....  I still can't figure out why I cried, but I did... I cried for awhile, as if it was a break up from a marriage.  This cry could have come from the stress of LA, stress of being jobless, stress of losing a manager, or the happiness of moving forward.  Who Knows?  Today, I feel amazing about my decision, and now I have to move forward with this new agent, who I love thus far.....   Who knows the future?  But I pray I made the right decision, and that my career will move forward for the better...  My new agent is British, and she is so amazing.  So easy to talk to, and I am already enjoying her brutal honesty. My favorite quote from my new agent is "This is me, I am not acting, nor am I an actor,  this is who I am, and what you get"! We shall see blog friends, my life here is just beginning...